Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
