You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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