I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
