Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
