I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
