I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
