if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
