my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
