that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
