The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize