I'm eating all of the evidence.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
