the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm like, not good at living.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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