I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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