oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
