Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize