if you like me you must not know who I am
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
