Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
