the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
