i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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