I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
