rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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