If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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