we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
