I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
