life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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