Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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