i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
