O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
