So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
