We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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