You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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