I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize