I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
