she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
