can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
