drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
