Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
