8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
