Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize