you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
