Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
