We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
