You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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