Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
