Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
