I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Come see our sink grown plant.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize