I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
