Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
