i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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