Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
