did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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