so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize