Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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