I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
