see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
