im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
