id be glad to
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
whose parrot is this?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize