I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize