We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
