Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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