I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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