Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
