i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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