so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
