You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
