You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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