I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
