Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
