Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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